Things That Happen to You When You Are This Pregnant

I have learned a lot in the last couple of weeks. I won't detail all the physical aspects of being this pregnant, but I have made some anthropological/cultural/psychological observations. When you are this pregnant:

People smile at you a lot, especially when you are exercising. I like to think it's the community project you are working on: the whole continuation of the human race thing. Or that you are shaped so funny. Either way, it's encouraging.

It's like you have swallowed a hand grenade. Any sudden shifting in your seat, gasps for breath, pauses can cause great alarm in people near you. For the record, I think I am not "gonna blow."

You get lots of strange, unsolicited advice. In counseling me about how to get the baby out, people have told me things about their sex lives and bowel movements that maybe their doctors don't know. This enthusiastic candor has been amusing, if not entirely helpful (although if ANY of suggested stuff ends up working, I will publish a detailed list of thank-yous).

You are highly entertaining. It turns out being in a really foul mood makes people laugh. Enjoy it now, people. Because when this kid comes out, I am going to be writing such sweet, lovey-dovey stuff about it (provided I can forgive it), your teeth will hurt. All this sarcastic spew will only last till Wednesday, at which time you can go back to reading Perez Hilton.

You are suddenly popular. The outpouring of love, support, encouragement and sheer interest has made this interminable waiting more fun.