Dear Madame Secretary,

I know you're just trying to do your best up there at the State Department. Keep the bad guys out and all that. And I know that my trip to Mexico is really low on your radar, what with Iran and the Scotland business.

But, Condi (mind if I call you Condi?), I am soooo low on the radar. Right? I just want to go to Mexico. I just want to lie on the beach, while my deserving husband plays 72 holes of golf. I have no bombs in my shoes (BECAUSE THEY'RE FLIPFLOPS). I am guessing that when the courier/expediter dude comes to Chicago tomorrow, he's not getting your signature or anything. I just wanted you to know about my situation. So, anyway, good luck in the Middle East.