Nesting

There are people who delight in organizing. Sorting everyday objects into plastic tubs, labeling their phylum and species, is a calming activity that imposes order on the chaos of things.

I am not one of these people. I am organizationally retarded. It's not just that I don't have patience or interest for these tasks, which would imply I am somehow above them: I have zero aptitude for them. I begin organizing only to be found flummoxed amid cute, well-meaning storage containers, pondering old photographs or receipts. One of my college jobs was filing for a research institute — sometimes I just went into the basement to "file" and ended up absorbed in back issues of "The Journal of Philanthropy." Sure, I own a label maker, but I use it to print out smart remarks. I have never actually labeled anything with it.

I only tell you this so that when I describe the fit of organization that overtook me this weekend, you will understand that I am not well. My bathroom cabinets are in an abnormally perfect state. In case you were wondering, the "grooming" category encompasses razors and nailcare, and that 10-year-old bottle of Ativan that you were hoping to score from for your next overseas plane ride is no more.

So now that my bathroom cabinets are clean, I am ready to have a baby.

Venus, Mars, Mom, Dad

I sat in The Room tonight amid piles of tiny clothes and plastic containers of stuff I have forgotten what to do with exactly. I made Jason join me and discuss where to put stuff and hang stuff, forcing him to make plans for the weekend and next week surrounding, you know, the Major Life Change.

He started shuffling nervously in what little floor real estate is available in the room, and finally said, "You're making me nervous. All you want to do is talk about it, and all I want to do is not talk about it. Do you think maybe you could stew quietly in here by yourself?"

And the poor guy has been such a good sherpa/painter/gofer/parent/saint of a man, that in a rare moment of hormonal balance and generosity, I said, "Yes, babe, I can stew quietly by myself."

All Quiet For Now

As I type this, I am sitting in the chair that will be my bed, my prison, my refuge for the next several months. We had it on loan to friends for the last year, and I have to wonder if ushering this chair out of the house brought the wave of nostalgia that tricked me into wanting another baby (well, and Tully and Solly, those rascals).

So here I sit. By myself. For now.

Healthy Lunch

Lucy used to be a good eater: all manner of vegetables, fetid cheeses, even paté (which we told her was "meat butter"). Now, with the exception of broccoli and salad, she's the normal of 5-year-old carbivore. Not unusually picky, just not the kind of eater I'd like to be raising. Still, we try to pack her a semi-healthy lunch every day.

I ate lunch with her in her classroom on Friday (have been trying to have more special Lu time before the Major Life Change, and before "real kindergarten" starts in a couple of weeks and such things are not allowed). Lu and I sat at a table with two other little girls. Other Little Girl A ate nothing — not one bite of her cute whole-wheat bagel pizzas and carrots — packed in a tiffin, no less. Other Little Girl B ate her whole lunch, composed entirely of the Corn Syrup and White Flour portion of the food pyramid. The sight of this kid's lunch gave me a hypoglycemic hot flash.

As Lu happily ate her take-out burrito and fruit, I vowed not to beat myself up so much about what she does and doesn't eat.

Hot Dogs, Lemonade and a Side of Dignity

SOAPBOX ALERT: We will return to our regularly scheduled, self-absorbed and sarcastic programming tomorrow.

Tonight I had the chance to ride along on a Mobile Loaves and Fishes truck. Every weeknight, MLF food service trucks like the one we rode on, staffed by volunteers and loaded with donated food, water and personal items, go out to serve the homeless and working poor.

We rode along with Alan Graham, the founder of Mobile Loaves and Fishes, an entrepreneur-turned-evangelical-Catholic-turned-homeless-minister. He is charismatic and beatific: the self-described “happiest man on earth.”

Our truck had hot dogs, chips, bottled water, lemonade, tea, candy, cookies, personal hygiene items, socks (the most popular item on an MLF truck) and hard-boiled eggs (the second most popular item after socks).

We first stopped at a park near Barton Springs. There, a woman named Anne offered me some advice about my pregnancy: “Drink raspberry tea, it tones the uterus.” She said she had six kids. She recited a poem about rainbows and the second coming, and told us all many times how much loved us. A barefoot man with a pierced tongue and a pit bull, presumably Anne’s husband, said a prayer over my belly.

Our second stop was a pay-by-the-week motel on South Congress. Kids were peeping out of the windows of their scary motel room, waiting for us as we pulled up. I’d guess we fed three families.

Our third stop was a dusty vacant lot. One shirtless man had a strange lump under his left collarbone and a big, fresh-looking wound. Alan asked him how long he’d had the pacemaker and he said a week. I am pretty sure the recovery regimen for open-heart surgery does not involve sleeping in the bushes near Riverside and I-35, but there he was.

On our last stop, a guy drew us an elaborate diagram of stars and triangles while talking unclearly about Jesus, Zeus and Satan. He paused long enough to congratulate me on being pregnant, then may or may not have warned us that I was carrying the Antichrist.

We served 30 meals, gave away a few dozen pairs of socks and hard-boiled eggs. I am not sure what we did tonight to redeem these people. A hot dog and some lemonade isn’t going to clean up their alcoholism, free them from the cycle of unfortunate events or bad decisions that put them on the street, cure their mental illness, or restore the network of family and support that fell away from them somewhere along the way.

All I know is what I did for me. I see with new appreciation my bed, my toilet, my air conditioning, my healthcare, my dignity and the 150 different people I could call for a bed or some help before I’d find myself sleeping in a vacant lot. I redeemed myself from petty squawking about my very good life. When Alan Graham says he’s the happiest man on earth, he’s onto something.

36.5 Weeks: FAQ

Wow, how far along are you?
36 and a half weeks, thanks for asking. And I won’t probe about whether you meant “Wow, I am so happy for you” or “Wow, you’re huge” or “Wow, you’re STILL pregnant.”

How are you feeling?
At this point, honesty fails me. Let's just leave it at "GREAT!"

I bet you just can’t wait to be done with this heat, huh?
Yes.

Do you know what you’re having?
A baby.

Well, do you have a feeling about what it is?
Either a baby or a really greasy burrito.

Is Lucy so excited?
Actually, we are trading Lucy in under the Cash for Kids program that allows you to replace one misbehaving child with a smaller one that knows fewer words. So she’s excited about going to live with her new family.

Yes, she’s excited.

Are you making any progress?
Oh, you mean am I effaced or dilated? According to the doctor, my cervix is thinning, but not dilated.

Thanks for your interest.

Girl with a Gun

Lucy unearthed a toy pellet gun that had been a gag stocking stuffer and somehow had evaded the Goodwill pile. She knew I wouldn't be keen on her having a gun, so she took the one tack she knew would work: "Mom, guns aren't just for boys, right?"

No! Absolutely not! Guns for girls! Gun equality! Gun rights...hey, wait a minute.

She lost interest in the gun in less than two minutes. However, when Jason walked in the house, he immediately picked it up: "Ooh, a gun!"