Seems like for the past couple of years, my New Year's resolution has been to be happier... ...to experience all the joys and blessings of my life.
...to wring my hands less over what was missing and where I was failing.
...to put more energy into the good and less into the bad.
...to do more things I love and enjoy myself while I do them.
I am proud to report that at last I've begun to see progress on this multi-year resolution. I had a breakthrough this spring that made me start to think about possibilities. On some of the mornings when I was working from home, I would put Milo into the baby jogger and run around the neighborhood just west of ours. We'd run up and down the hills among these incredible mid-century houses and I'd talk to him: "Milo, won't it be so great when we live in that house? We will have a different front door, but that's a perfect house for us."
And one day I ran past this big strange house, completely clad in aluminum siding, like a barn crossed with a ship. It had this perfect studio in the back with garage doors that opened onto a little terraced yard with rye grass. I became obsessed with the house, even though Jason thought it was weird, and so did Pie and Adam. I found out that while it was for sale, it was indeed weird, and too expensive, and not my house, even though I had begun to envision it as mine.
I realized I was not envisioning my house or my perfect studio, I was imagining my life: me working, by myself, in a sunny room, with my coffee. And that is what I am doing right now, if not in a perfect little studio (yet).
What I started to imagine while talking to Milo last spring eventually allowed me to leave a job I loved (but was making me into a person I didn't) and make room to be happier. Isn't that something?
p.s. If you have anything you need to figure out, you are welcome to take Milo for a walk -- he is an excellent listener.