The Grooming

I just want you to know that I know I'm falling down on the job. But this morning, upon discovering that rice cereal has the consistency of spackle when dried and some of it was stuck to the side of Milo's head, I had a choice to make. I tried to remember when I'd last bathed him. I gave him a good sniff. He smelled like leftovers. So I washed him, and now he smells like a cookie.

But no, my hair is not washed. No, I am not wearing cute shoes. And yes, that is urp on my shirt. And I know that you know. We're just not gonna talk about.