I was just listening to this sweet children's album by Elizabeth Mitchell and started to cry thinking about how much I love Lu. It has been a while since I could access that tenderest feeling for her. She is so big now, and so fierce, that even though I am crazy about her, I rarely have the feeling I am holding her the way I used to, like I had her pliant little heart beating against mine. These days, holding her is like having a bird cupped between my hands, with her wings beating, wanting to go. All I can do now is let her go and watch, hoping she will alight.