I am concerned that Jason is lost at Target. I sent him there about an hour ago with a list of three things:
• Kandoos. These are flushable, transition wipes for potty-trainers and maybe people with hemmorhoids. The most insipid and unnecessary product ever, and yes, we are buying it. These dumb things and her reward stickers (unicorns, happy faces, the usual) are the only things worth pottying for.
• Beach towels. One for Lu, a couple for us. She will be having "splash days" at school, which I think is just a nice way of saying they turn a hose on the kids. But she will need some paraphanelia with her name on it for that, and if it has her name on it, it can't be some ratty mauve towel. Her teachers might think we are ratty, or that I like mauve. So she is going to have a 60-inch Hello Kitty towel. Which will maybe make up for that the fact that she had to take her lunch in a portable wine cooler for a few weeks before we found her a proper lunchbox. And she still tries to steal some kid's Dora or SpongeBob lunchbox everyday.
• A swimsuit. Size 3T, but only if it's really cute. Related to above item on the list. If they are going to have hose-time once a week, we need to have a decent suit rotation. Plus, she has been doing lots of swimming lately, and her seventies-leotard swimsuit (with horizontal pink and gold stripes that make her look like a fat little aerobics instructor) and green and white eyelet bikini (think round, demure Brigitte Bardot) will get old. A girl has to keep it fresh by the pool/lake/beach/hose.
As I have written this post, another half hour has passed. The man has been at Target for 1.5 hours and probably spent $100 on a bunch of things that weren't on the list, which is exactly what I would have done, which is why I sent him and not me. He hates to shop, but he likes to buy stuff for Lu. Especially stuff that is nicely packaged and cheap enough not to give you pause.
Evil marketing geniuses. Target: a giant red bullseye on your wallet.
P.S. He is home now. Shopping results:
• "Look at how cool these beach towels are!" $10x2, $8 for Hello Kitty (ON SALE)
• Admittedly DARLING white smocked top and hot pink skirt. $12
• Totally cute terry cloth cover-up sarong, which she doesn't need because she doesn't have a butt you would want to cover up. $5.99
• Callaway golfballs, "most of which will end up in the lake with my sand wedge." $40
• Kandoos. $3.79/100. Which doesn't sound that bad but is like 100 times the cost of regular TP. Even fancy, soft TP.