Mission Statement

Over the past few weeks, I have had a series of conversations about the meaning of life. Not quite literally, but discussions with people I love about meaning and purpose, about the right way to be on this earth. I don't have the answer and I never will, but I was reminded again of my favorite poem, which as a clear a statement of purpose as I am likely to ever find.

Late Fragment
And did you get what
you wanted from this life, even so?
I did.
And what did you want?
To call myself beloved, to feel myself
beloved on the earth.
--Raymond Carver

I promise to write something funny tomorrow...

Sleeping Like a Baby

I just peeked in on Lucy. Next to Milo, she is a giant, a person, a formed creature! And yet, in her sleep, she is as mushy and vulnerable as her baby brother. Her mouth puckers when I tuck the blanket around her, looking for a thumb that isn't there. When I lay my finger in her soft, open hand, she clenches it and rolls toward me. Fierce girl, surrended. She is not a baby, but she is my baby, at least when she sleeps.

Where the Wild Thing Is

Last week I went to see "Where the Wild Things Are," the movie adaptation of Maurice Sendak's book. I thought the movie was sweet and sad, capturing something about how damn hard it can be to be a kid. While I was watching the movie, I had this desperate urge to go get Lucy out of school just to hold her tight.

We've been having a hard time lately. The Major Life Changes of Milo and kindergarten have made her surly and whiny — sometimes angrily independent, other times desperate for our help and attention. She hurls herself at negative consequences, knowing better, but unable to stop herself.

As a result, I have to admit to not liking her very much. That's hard to say, but true. I'm exhausted, frustrated and mad. When it's time for her to come home in the afternoon, I steel myself: what kind of Wild Thing will we have on our hands?

Yet watching this movie has helped me remember how hard this must all be for her. She's a five-year-old whose life has been turned upside down. She's at the mercy of two tired, distracted adults. We are all adjusting to this new us, but the adults have better coping mechanisms and are in charge of the television. Poor kid.

So as she roars her terrible roars and gnashes her terrible teeth, I will remind myself to keep the place where somebody loves Lu best of all, where her supper is waiting for her...and it is still hot.

Overheard

Milo won't sleep. Not in the screaming-as-we-pace-him-around-the-house way, just the dude-you-really-have-been-awake-too-long way. So after about half a day of various forms of working to get him to sleep (three shifts, including Granny on duty for one), we have given up. He is happily in his bouncy seat, cooing at Jason, who is killing mythical creatures online, when I hear...

FFFFLLLTTSPURRRRRTYSPAAAAATTYSPURRRTFLLLTT. (What is the onomatopoeia for Gigantic Wet Fart?)

Followed by a bunch more cooing. And reportedly lots of smiling. Maybe he will sleep now.